Notes from Montana
April, 2008

We thought we were so tough, that we could tough it all out on our own. Was that really the way? What day is the real Earth Day? Dying from all the cigarettes. The born letters and paperclips. Supped on rice wine vinegar and our own hearts.

can create a new waiting
or traveling game
the little girl espousing re: the/our plane
how to punctuate all of these smarties
what sort of imagery
symbolizes lateness
what sort of snobbery
in the intellectual community
the baby growl and the girl behind her
in a hideous lilac scarf
why did someone knit it
did someone throw it out

smoked a cigarette down to its root
in a place almost in bloom
a dead tomato
rubbing thumbs against the ragged
edger of a key

not yet=net
i’m flying along all these prizes
still green from chapping
and chips melts lips
we’re a Mark Jarman hater
we’re an electic boulevard
we’re a candidate for twelve steps
we’re wilt
we’re thou
did you bring me a book?
did you bring me length
or an armchair with which
to simulate it?

book-length don’t be late
I’m flying home to a place
I’m about to leave
met a man there
I want to take with

Sovereign noons no want of caricature smell of smooshed dog shit and all the local papers. What else did you want to think about, to make the mind a wand. Could I go there or would you have to know me, spoiling all the splendor with a kiss? Make it all come down to the river. Make it all up like a spoiled secret, a way of creation that lymphs at the seams, spreads its breadth. Orange cyclists down at the river, and woods no one could create. Shunt some sort of sneakers towards me and I might bite. Still rapids and the moniker of spring time posing as sun in the whips of forest the harsh first timing us, themselves. How else would you move to meet me orange orange Oliver silver slivers of pants and how hot they make us feel. Could you hang out for a few good hours. Could you canticle through all the targets and visit when it pleased you? All the other moneys we saw standing–we were awed to be still, to be there. I wouldn’t dream of it any sooner and I wouldn’t allow it to stymie me. Wouldn’t you like to sit down with me and study. What visits would you think of drawing near. We are so sudden here into the dirt light we are so here at the coughing of knob hill. How salivatory is it to sit down here at this coffee shop and experience what else it could be. How boring. How bright white and chilled zinfandel. How else are these rows composed, that you would like to be the one to paddle down theo river in your yellow winter gear. I won’t allow it to come to me via a stool sample or via a soldier. Are you going to ask me all sorts of questions or are you just going to pick me up from the goddam airport. I could use some Tani perspective–she’ll want an explanation of this river. This river is small enough for low bridges. This river is about thirty meters wide. Calculate how many feet that would be, we Americans. We haven’t felt anything so big ever. We haven’t ever been more than fourteen days old. What else would you like to talk about here? How people will be people, how they will assume that you want to meet them for drinks. How often do you tell people you’re gay, or would they somehow find that out anyway. Not that it’s mattered the fourteen other years you’ve been it publicly vocally. Is this really something you ought to be writing about. Don’t blow the cover of my anonymity. I’ll tell whoever I goddam want that I’m an alcoholic, but how does that translate to my being gay–and does it matter. We’ll spend all afternoon together, I promise. You busy people and how you’ve all had your questions. I’ll sit lumply here and I’ll not enjoy myself on purpose. So what do you think about that, summer school man? Doe that ride your covers? Does that chap your lane? Does it make it any easier not to feel bad. About anything or at people specifically. That way when we age we can look back and think ourselves foolish. Do we have some sort of return address for you on file or should we do something else with it all. No one promised you anything. Could you please let me know which of you wanted to go out to eat and why I felt so socially awkward about that. Don’t let’s make this an issue. Don’t let’s make us that easy to turn and off like a tap fountain. Would you like to explain yourself to me–would you like to be the Alan Greenspan of our technology we have all this time to eat up like Pacman and the chump chump chop chop of all our teeth could at any moment click into place. When I wrote that out it looked like dick and I didn’t want anything else to do with it. What sort of news habits are you about today? Are you some sort of an orange matron fish–what sort of internet connection could you claim. We are all into one another here. Remember when internet used to be capitalized? We all know one another’s gossip, and we will for the next two years. Is that going to be an I sore for you? Would you like to find out what the structure of the program is. What sort of classes do you teach here–the undergraduates here as well. I’ll call you in Chicago. The second one I’ve met here–they’ve all been super nice. What can you tell me about that. We don’t have to be so anonymous anymore. We really already know each other. I’m sure we can all draw our own conclusions pretty readily. To have been in that straight environment for such a time has been nice. What are you all doing later tonight. Is there any sort of a social group that goes on? Would you like me to pick you up and take you round, pretending I have a British accent? That might be really nice. Was I smoking a cigarette then? Of course. I’ll print out all my questions to ask you but first I’ll head to the coffee bar are you talking about the wobblies? The international w.w.’s are we snowed in target. There are so many people agreeing that the lions have set up house. No one contends enough to get married to join enlongation. My bat slams scissor. What is discourse? Seven or nine crows break the silence of the sky with their black bodies /snap/ mike it up, pinky fingerous does she deny that she’s made in the USA or that she works on a computer? Norcomm; what are our responsibilities in this love bath?! Months ago we’ve been down this road with brother antoninus ripping off his robes in Ohio and it smells like wool socks here, and sunsets those skin chapping products are realized as oil petroleum loosed and bananas come from south america–gas guzzling sea necks!

What is cyberbear sounds like a gay porn site the argumentative hand nail and all the politics I need to work on my face of disbelief or righteous indignation at sane level not able to get ingratiated seemingly. Slowly What’s the relation of the old women to the cousin? The relation of the old women to the cousin.

With a brain like this you can meet someone ten or fifteen times and no know them. The date today-the date. Artichoke flowers have we set down here. We talked about the weather and about the mountains. It exists because that is the way I worte it. They feel like they have to be kind to the students somehow; why is that because they’re giving them a diploma. I have this pad I’m scratching on I’m scratching Scratch scratching off likea cat I’ll call you and I’ll tell you what is freaking me out today. Would you like to show me your place. Could you plase call me back to ease my mind. It’s been about two days in there in the closet. The girls calling out to one another: want to have flowers for breakfast. I guess I couldn’t be an undergrad anymore. I’m much too old. He had all those years of sobriety summed up for me. When does the class start. You and your white shirt. I am an orange peel. I am an arm. Not that much at stake. Holub-Czech poet, the Shine Delgarno sequence.

here where large things may
eat me in the low air
high air
low oxygen
four deer accompany my hike
to the “M”
eight deer
I want to jump
lone
on Sentinel

a duck over a net bridge
flying
moon over Missoula
find a shine penny
in the mud